The medical journal Internal and Emergency Folks Medicine is reporting on a case in which a 35-year-old man tripping on phencyclidine (PCP) attempted to swallow his smartphone. The key word being “attempted.”
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When the man arrived at the emergency ward he was agitated, releasing muffled screams, but alert, and in moderate respiratory distress. The smartphone, measuring 4 cm x 8 cm, was visibly protruding from his mouth.

Emergency physicians immediately tried to remove the smartphone with forceps, but were unsuccessful.

“It just wouldn’t come out,” the attending physician said. “Then he began to urinate through his pants. I’m not an expert on PCP, but maybe the drug causes autonomous urination.”

Not able to pry it loose, a surgical specialist and an anesthesiologist were brought in. The patient was relocated to an operating room and double prepped for both an emergency cricothyrotomy and oropharyngeal intubation. The smartphone was successfully removed without the need for surgical intervention, but a tear was noted at the back of his throat.

After the procedure the patient became “markedly agitated.”

“He called us assholes, no, I think it was buttholes.” The surgeon reported. “I’m surprised he could even talk. It should have been physically impossible for him to talk, he had a tube in his throat, but I guess the PCP allowed him to. And why swear at the people who just potentially saved his life? I still can’t figure it out. Must have been the PCP talking.”

The patient remained in the hospital for two weeks. According to his sister, he’s smoking PCP again and plans to purchase the iPhone 6, which Apple reports, will be bigger and therefore, his sister hopes, not able to be swallowed.

“I guess he could swallow the iPhone 6 if he smashed it and ate it piece by piece,” his sister said. “I pray to God that he doesn’t.”

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